Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
