I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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