That's intense
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
