I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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