too bad you live with your parents still
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
