you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
