She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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