dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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