Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Randomize
