Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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