Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
