And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
