I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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