Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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