You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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