Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
