Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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