my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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