So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
