..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
