i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
vagina is talking i cant
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
