Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I showed him my bush... on skype.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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