I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
