if you like me you must not know who I am
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
