I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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