you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
