theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
