Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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