when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
