i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
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some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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