i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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