I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
