eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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