the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
