kristin has been a bad kristin
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
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Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
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i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?