Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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