What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10