I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
