You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
