I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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