Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
