I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
