I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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