just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
