How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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