I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
