I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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