Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
