I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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