The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
