dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
