He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
