FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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