He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
