I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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