Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
