Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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