I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
