So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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