i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
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