A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
