Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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