id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
