Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
