he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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